I always repeat your name. It is a prayer. I heard that it was a way 'to see' God. By repeating name solely. I laughed and did not believe. Now I believe. Just a name. In delirium, in dream, in reality. I do not see you in my dream at all. It hurts so much, that I almost cry. Perhaps, that's why I do not sleep almost. Neither I eat. Nor I work. Am I almost dead? Or am I nearly alive? I talk to you all the time. You said you slept badly. Perhaps, I disturb you. Oh, you are my poor one... Soon I will see you every day. I can't believe in it now. And what then? It is scaring. It is like chills. Yes, that very right word. Perhaps, I may not turn my inner world out so much, and torture you this way? Forgive me. Be patient. And I would give your name to my son...