I torture myself so much because of my love... I love - and my love is that cruel and torturing love, which is not born for the first look, but that one, which raises slowly day by day and some time later cover you with all its awful force. It covers you just that minute, when you can not do anything more... That moment is missed... You stay alone, lonely, with a soul pain of sadness and misunderstanding - how it could happen? And a small animal start living in your soul, an animal, who fall asleep thanks to absence of the person, who tortured your soul before, or, next time, this animal gets mad and crazy because of emptyness and pain, because of that very absence... And where I can find that limit, reaching which I have to stop and say 'Enough!' Calm down, and start living further... And just my unsatisfied heart whisper again and again 'what if he also has the same pain and loves you so much also?!' I believe, I believe that he also has the same tortures. Isn't it better to feel that pain together and not to suffer alone, in unknown expecting. I do not have enough soul power for such sufferings. And what if our destiny will encounter us from time to time, allowing us to see the eyes of us, so close, so kind, so familiar - then, I probably, will get crazy. But I do not have enough courage to put all points above i and lines on the t - well, the reality sometimes differ so much of fairy tale...